A Boxing Day Gift from Fudge

26th Dec 2004

Just got back from doing Christmas at the in-laws. As tradition now dictates it was a case of eat, drink, laugh and be bloated. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Lots of gifts were exchanged and I was fortunately on the receiving end of some very nice (practical) presents; so I sincerely thank all those who thought of me. A particular favourite was the soundtrack to the recent and brilliant BBC drama Blackpool. The most affecting (though not strictly for me but rather the permanent householders) was from Fudge.

In true Boxing Day tradition the in-laws were rewarded by their master for their loyal service throughout the year. In exchange for food, warmth, shelter, medicine and clapping Fudge showed his appreciation with a gift from the garden.

Only four or five witnessed the presentation. Fudge tore into the living room looking possessed and with something wildly animated in his mouth.

"Ooooohhhhhh! Quick, Fudge has got something in his mouth", gesticulated my mother-in-law easily matching the animation.

Fudge proudly proceeded to place his gift at the feet of her husband Jock. Tiny wings fluttered spastically.

"It's a wren", said Jock. "It's still alive."

"Oh, put it out of it's misery, will you?", she pleaded.

Unsure exactly how to put a half-dead wren out of it's misery Jock decided to wring it's neck. Without realising the strength of his own stupidity, he grabbed the sacrificial bird with both hands and rudely twisted the head round and completely off. In each hand he held seperate parts of the bird.

Slapstick to match Laurel and Hardy.

real life